Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Nike Mettle DIY battery change

Nike's range of Mettle watches are getting rare now, so if you find a good one then it's worth taking care of.  If you'd rather not send it away for its battery change then you can tackle it yourself with a little care.  It's not a complicated process but you can damage some important springs and sprung contacts which will impair the future functioning of the watch (e.g. the alarm).

Anyhow, here's the procedure.  I'm using an Anvil, but the process applies to other models in the range.

    Remove the four small cross-headed screws from the corners of the back plate





     Lift the back plate up and away - don't slide it sideways because this may damage the springs and contacts underneath.  If, like mine, there's a white plastic sticker over the battery then carefully peel it off






    Now that the battery is exposed, remove the even smaller cross-headed screw from the retaining plate



    Now you can remove the old cell



    Install a fresh 3v CR2032, positive (+) side up, preferably not touching it with your fingers
    Re-fit the retaining plate


    Check that the rubber seal around the module bay is still intact and, if necessary, apply a tiny amount of silicone oil to retain water-resistance


    Check the display, the light and, for completeness, the alarm tone, then re-fit the back plate.  Ensure the screws are in tightly but not over-tightly.  That's it, you're done!

      Thursday, 12 August 2010

      My 2006 "Uxbridge English Dictionary" definitions

      In March 2006 I submitted a bunch of UED definitions, as heard on the wonderful "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue", to the BBC Radio 4 online message boards.

      For no other reason than sheer vanity and self-promotion, I reproduce them here to show you just how bloody clever I am.

      Solace: a really good gospel singer
      Diversion: Welsh-language edition
      Inspector: a member of a villainous, world-threatening organisation
      Incorrigible: egg-on a male cow
      Anagram: a stripper dressed as the Princess Royal
      Sublime: a member of the citrus underclass
      Intestate: survived test seven
      Pomegranate: stone used to build the Australian Embassy in London
      Syllabus: Scouse public transport
      Indignation: everyone living like students
      Catastrophe: prize-winning moggie
      Indispensible: winner of One Man and his Cow
      Yom Kippur: Jewish festival of the smoked herring
      Valuable: bovine pricing
      Pheromone: King of Egypt complaining
      Prawn: a Geordie lying down
      Vulcanised: gone pointy-eared
      Flamboyant: floating candle
      Uncanny: removed from its tin
      Eulogy: a Christmas horse
      Phlegmatic: having a head-cold
      Ecstatic: moving
      Implode: a bunch of goblins
      Vagabond: shares in vagrants
      Toulouse Lautrec: a long walk to the toilet
      Atlas: bare-headed
      Vagrant: a moan about nothing in particular
      Diatribe: second-rate clan
      Sofa: you're dumped!
      Morning: Geordie complaints
      Lift: on a Parade gound, the opposite of "rate"
      Content: a fake marquee

      That was then. I'm still at it thanks to a recent thread on Twitter (which didn't exist back then...).

      incline: what a pen leaves
      wok: Jonathan Ross's favourite kind of music
      antipasti: down with Ginster's!
      extractor fan: a former admirer of farm machinery
      late: not heavy
      effigy: how to spell "feg"

      Tuesday, 20 April 2010

      Celebrating the losers

      I'm not sure if it's a British thing or whether it's just my sense of humour, but I love the way we celebrate the losers, the odd and the plain weird. There are awards ceremonies and websites devoted to it and I find it all compelling, entertaining and yet also oddly comforting.

      There's The Darwin Awards for stories of people who get themselves killed in odd ways, thus removing their particular strand of idiocy from the human gene pool.

      The Razzies celebrate the worst clunkers in Hollywood movies - this year Sandra Bullock distinguished herself by winning both a Razzie and a Best Actress Oscar in consecutive days, and she attended both ceremonies! Good on you, San!

      The Ig Nobels are awarded to the most spurious and pointless examples of improbable scientific research, going to the eponymous "they", as in "they say that x% of dental patients prefer waxed to un-waxed dental floss" This question was addressed by the winner of the 1995 Dentistry Prize, by the way.

      Today, I discover the never-less-than-erudite Diagram Prize for the weirdest book title (adult non-fiction only, I think...). This year's winner, Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes (which effortlessly combines the gentle art of needle-based stitchery with the hard-core science of advanced geometry) joins a distinguished list of previous winners which includes The Joy of Chickens (1980), Versailles: The View From Sweden (1988), Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers (1996), The 2009-2014 World Outlook for 60-milligram Containers of Fromage Frais (2008) and the grand-daddy of them all, the first winner, Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice (1978).

      Roll-on, this year's ceremonies!

      Thursday, 4 February 2010

      Old(er) faces on new shows

      I'm a fan of the BBC TV series "Hustle", which features the great Robert Vaughn as Albert Stroller - a veteran con-artist lending his considerable talents and experience to a crew of young British long-con operators.

      Every time the show comes on and we're treated to his effortless performances, I think how lucky we are to have him over here still putting out great work when he could easily have decided to draw stumps and head for the pavilion.

      Then I'm reminded that another of my favourite programmes, "NCIS", features his erstwhile partner in the classic Men from UNCLE series David McCallum, whom we've lent to the American TV audience, seemingly in return.

      How nice it would be for the writers of the respective shows to think of a way to get each character into each other's series so that we can see them on screen together again (twice).

      Then NCIS gets Ralph Waite to play Jethro's dad and we have another classy older performer showing the youngsters how it's done.

      Good on you, fellas. Keep it up as long as you like, because those of us who remember you from TV shows of the past are enjoying you again in the TV shows of today. That particularly appeals to those who, like me, are silly, sentimental sods who have a soft-spot for the nostalgic!

      Wednesday, 20 January 2010

      My "NFL For Dummies"

      As a UK-based fan of the NFL for over 20 years now, I'm increasingly aware that the number of very keen and well-informed UK fans and members of forums and Facebook groups like those for BBC Radio 5 Live and Channel 5 TV, plus others like the NFL Rants and Raves podcast show is greater than ever.

      Now, I love the game and enjoy every aspect of it, but I'm feeling more than a little left behind in the raw knowledge department.

      In the UK's Premier League we have, and have done for some time now, a select few big teams with well-heeled financial backers, a top-name manager and world-class squads, not to mention a long and glittering history of success. Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool have consistently led the way and shared out the major honours between them, only occasionally being joined by others (Aston Villa and Manchester City, currently) who dare to threaten the quadropoly (did I just make that up?).

      Who are the equivalents in the NFL? Which are the teams that would expect to do well and which are making up the numbers, or worse? Will the Oakland Raiders - my team - stop being the AFC West whipping boys any time soon and, if so, how?

      Well, the NFL is a very different beast from the English Premier League. For starters, there's the Draft that happens in the closed season each April, where the top performers from College football are picked by the NFL teams to add to their roster of players. The key point here is that the teams with the worst record from the previous season pick first so that the weaker squads get the chance to bring in good new players, so providing their scouting is accurate and they bid wisely, they should be in a position to benefit. A good rookie Quarterback or a speedy young running back with safe hands could make all the difference to a struggling franchise.

      Then there are the owners - hugely powerful individuals (corporate ownership is not allowed) who can be involved to greater or lesser degrees in all decision-making, with varying levels of success and therefore popularity.

      The format of the league itself is pretty complicated. There are two Conferences - the AFC and the NFC - each split into four roughly geographical Divisions - North, South, East and West. Play-off games are played between the divisional winners and the best-placed runners-up in a mini group format to decide the overall Conference champions. These two teams then play in the Superbowl to become NFL champions.

      Statistically-speaking, the big three, if you like, are;
      • the Green Bay Packers (3 Superbowls, 12 Championships - twice with 3 successive Championships, 12 Conference championships)
      • the Chicago Bears (1 Superbowl, 9 Championships - twice with 2 successive Championships, 21 Conference championships)
      • the New York Giants (3 Superbowls, 7 Championships, 21 Conference championships)
      These are also, along with the Arizona Cardinals, the oldest surviving NFL franchises. However, past glory is certainly no guarantee of present-day success. The lower leagues in English football are full of once-proud names that are now almost forgotten; Blackpool, Preston North End, Sheffield United, even "big" clubs like Leeds United and Newcastle United who, whilst far from forgotten, are no longer part of the elite of the game.

      The last 10 years of the NFL have seen 3 Superbowls for the New England Patriots (2001, 2003-4), 2 for the Pittsburgh Steelers (2005, 2008) and 13 other different teams reaching or winning the Superbowl.

      On current form the strongest teams would have to be the Pittsburgh Steelers, the Indiannapolis Colts, the San Diego Chargers, the Minnesota Vikings, the Dallas Cowboys and the New Orleans Saints. After two Superbowl wins in the last 4 years, the Steelers had an average year with a 9-7 record. The Rams, Lions and Buccaneers were this season's strugglers.

      As far as star players is concerned, out of a squad of 45-ish players, the big names are the Quarterback, the running backs and the wide receivers.

      The big Quarterbacks are Peyton Manning (Colts), Drew Brees (Saints), Aaron Rogers (Packers), Tom Brady (Patriots), Philip Rivers (Chargers) and the evergreen Bret Favre (Vikings), still going strong at 40 despite his move from Green Bay to Minnesota.

      The top Running Backs are LaDainian Tomlinson (Chargers), Adrian Peterson (Vikings), Steven Jackson (Rams), Brian Westbrook (Eagles), Marion Barber (Cowboys) and Marshawn Lynch (Bills).

      The best Wide Receivers are Larry Fitzgerald (Cardinals), Andre Johnson (Texans), Randy Moss (Patriots), Reggie Wayne (Colts), Steve Smith (Panthers) and Anquan Boldin (Cardinals).

      The main names as Head Coach are probably Bill Belichick (Patriots), Mike Tomlin (Steelers) and Tom Coughlin (Giants).

      So, putting this all together, what do we get? Well, at the time of writing, we have yet to play this year's Conference games or the Superbowl, but the Jets play the Colts and the Vikings play the Saints to sort that out, and of these four the last Superbowl appearance was by the Colts who won in 2006. The Colts and the Saints would seem to be favourites for the Superbowl on current form, but the sentimental and the neutral may well hope the Vikings can win for Favre. However, at this end of the season injuries, fatigue and on-the-day tactics will all play a part as well as form and desire.

      Remember, almost as soon as this season is done and dusted, the process of drafting new, young, keen college players begins, plus coaches and players out-of-contract (free agents) might well move around as well (some have already - Tom Cable's position at Oakland is not secure and Chan Gailey is new HC of the Bills) and the balance may yet change for next season.

      That's just my assessment, but what do I know..?

      Friday, 8 January 2010

      An Iain M. Banks tribute page (from my ex-website)

      Welcome to an unofficial page intended to introduce you to the science-fiction writing of Iain M. Banks.

      About Iain M. Banks

      Iain Banks was born in Scotland in 1954 and came to widespread and controversial public notice with the publication of his first novel, The Wasp Factory, in 1984. Consider Phlebas, his first science-fiction novel, was published, as are all his science-fiction books, under the name Iain M. Banks in 1987. He has since gained enormous popular and critical acclaim and in 1993 he was acknowledged as one of the Best of Young British Writers. He lives in Fife, Scotland.

      About "The Culture"

      "The Culture" is Iain's vision for humanity in the far future - a complex expression of a mixture of social, cultural and moral philosophies, forming the backdrop for much of his science-fiction writing. All kinds of almost miraculous developments are taken very much for granted:

      * intergalactic space-travel, the colonisation of distant systems and the construction of vast space-borne habitats
      * advanced medicine that makes possible mending, prolonging, re-vitalising or simply changing one's body to suit individual preferences (like changing sex for a few years, or replacing a damaged head)
      * widespread use of the almost magical force field in everything from propulsion of space vehicles down to keeping a drinking glass suspended handily within reach
      * machines with sentience - the achievement of free thought - as demonstrated by the Minds that control and regulate space vehicles and habitations, and the robotic characters that are the constant companions, servants and mentors of both human and other biological life forms

      That's only my assessment, though. To get the real story behind the Culture, read "A Few Notes on the Culture" by the man himself, courtesy of www.phlebas.com.

      Consider Phlebas (1987)

      Iain M. Banks' first science-fiction novel. Set against the colossal Culture-Idiran war, a fugitive Mind, hidden in the depths of a labyrinthine dead world, is sought by both sides. A Changer called Horza and an unlikely band of mercenaries are also keen to track it down, risking their own lives in the process.






      The Player of Games (1988)

      Jernat Gurgeh is a master of board games, card games, strategy games and other types of game so alien and complex in origin as to almost defy classification. His skills and reserves of concentration and will to win are stretched to their limits when, somewhat blackmailed into doing so by a mischievous machine, he journeys to a distant galaxy to take part in a game almost as important, and challenging, as life itself.




      Use of Weapons (1990)

      Special Circumstances agent Cheradenine Zakalwe is manoevred by his mentor Diziet Sma into taking over control of a war he's destined to lose, all the time dogged by traumatic childhood memories of his family and the incident that haunts him with memories of The Chairmaker.

      Incidentally, Dizzy Sma and her drone Skaffen-Amtiskaw also appear in their own story which gives its name to The State of the Art.


      The State of the Art (1991)

      A collection of short stories, some Culture, others very definitely not; all thought-provoking and absorbing.









      Against a Dark Background (1993)

      His first non-Culture sci-fi book. Sharrow, former leader of a team of mercenaries, fights alongside her old comrades to recover a missing sentient super-weapon, whilst trying to avoid the Husz cult who, as well as also wishing to possess the gun, believe her to be the final barrier between them and their ultimate spiritual enlightenment.





      Feersum Endjinn (1994)

      It is the Encroachment, and old Earth is about to pass through a dust cloud that will blot out the dying sun. The King's war against the clan Engineers, The Count Sessine's final life, Gadfium's message from the Plain of Sliding Stones, the crypt's messenger Asura and Bascule the Teller's search for an ant are all played out in the face of imminent darkness, unless an escape from the Encroachment can be found.




      Excession (1996)

      A mysterious and seemingly omnipotent sphere reappears after a millennium near an ancient star, and all manner of ships, species and individuals find themselves drawn together, not always willingly or benignly, by a mystery that might just threaten every one of them. The one person who may know more is aboard a Culture vessel that's not about to allow the others to take her.





      Inversions (1998)

      A non-Culture novel; two separate stories, set concurrently on the same medieval-esque world, intertwine around common themes of love, secrecy and jealousy. She's the enigmatic doctor to a King, he's bodyguard to a regicidal military leader. Both have enemies and secrets and a love of whom neither can speak.






      Look To Windward (2000)

      Ziller, a Chelgrian composer in self-imposed exile aboard the orbital Masaq', learns of the impending visit of an emissary from Chel and fears that he is about to be repatriated. However, the emissary has a further, secret purpose to his mission rooted in an ancient conflict that led to the destruction of two suns, whose last rays of light are only now becoming visible to the inhabitants of Masaq' and the hub Mind, which itself has a secret past.




      The Algebraist (2004)

      When Seer Fassin Taak of Sept Bentrabal of Eglantine finds himself unwittingly co-opted into the Mercatorial military, his experience with the ancient gas-dwelling Dwellers is put to use finding information that many believe doesn't exist and that others would kill for. His search takes him both to unimaginably distant systems and very close to home indeed.





      Latest News

      [3.11.04] Following a break from sci-fi writing, the new Culture book "The Algebraist" is out on 4 October 2004.

      [6.11.00] After the success of Look To Windward, don't expect a new sci-fi novel in 2001 (of all years!). Don't panic (no pun intended, but welcome nonetheless) - Iain's just having a break and will be back...

      [15.8.00] Look To Windward, the new Culture novel, is out now in the UK in hardback from Orbit Books. The title comes from the same T. S. Eliot quote (from "The Waste Land" IV) that gave us the phrase "Consider Phlebas", the title of the very first Culture novel some 13 years ago.

      [20.7.99] The next sci-fi book is scheduled for publication in late May or early June 2000, but at the time of writing no plot or subject matter have been finalised.

      [20.7.99] The people who made the movie The Fifth Element are considering a big-screen adaptation of The Player of Games, although no firm news is currently available.

      [18.6.99] The latest SF book, Inversions, published in 1998, is out now in both paperback and hardback through Orbit Books.


      How To Contact Iain M. Banks

      Write to him via his publishers;

      Iain Banks
      c/o Publicity Department
      Time Warner Books UK
      Brettenham House
      Lancaster Place
      London WC2E 7EN

      Email: mail@iainbanks.net

      Iain also has an official website that covers his sci-fi and other writing. Visit it at www.iainbanks.net

      There are in fact quite a few sites on the Web about Iain, such as reprints of interviews and articles about the author, the culture and other aspects of the worlds and races he's created, not to mention plenty of input from fans of his work. Much good stuff can be found at www.phlebus.com and members.nbci.com/_XMCM/TheCulture, to name but two. Check them out.

      Thanks for looking at my contribution, and I hope you get as much pleasure from reading the challenging but rewarding books of Iain M. Banks as I have.

      Since writing this, another wonderful Culture novel called Matter was published in 2008.

      Wednesday, 6 January 2010

      Music (from my ex-website)

      Music

      This bit gets its own dedicated section because it's the thing I'm most interested in and get most out of. I love listening to music and making it too. The only thing better than going to a gig would be to play in it!

      I'm from a musical family; my father was a church organist (the proper sort that uses the pedals as well) and long-time timpanist/percussionist with the amateur Tonbridge Philharmonic Orchestra, as well as having a fine tenor singing voice. Rarely did he do all three at once. My mother is a singer (in church and with the Philharmonic choir) and pianist. My brother is a singer, bass guitarist, songwriter and now a DJ.

      Having started with piano, violin, viola and singing, my instrument is the drums, which have always attracted me ever since I started listening to music. I've not inherited my parents' love of classical music (not for their lack of trying!), although I can appreciate what's going on. Many a happy childhood hour was instead spent pounding a pillow with a pair of my father's drumsticks so as to make as little noise as possible, trying to emulate Phil Collins, John Bonham, Neil Peart, Bill Bruford and Iain Paice (via my brother's extensive record collection, played at high volume!).

      In April 1997 I spent what, for my wife and me, was a small fortune on a three-month drum course at the renowned Drumtech school in Acton, west London. I thought I'd died and gone to Heaven! I had top pros as tutors, soundproof rooms for practice and loads of musos from all over the world to trade stories and licks with. As a self-taught player, I was pleased to find that I hadn't developed as many bad habits as I'd feared.

      As indicated earlier in the Personal section, I have fairly catholic tastes but mainly my listening falls into two camps: progressive rock/metal and electric jazz/jazz-funk.

      The progressive camp is given over to The Flower Kings, Dream Theater (of whose fan club I was a member), Rush, It Bites (who used to have an excellent fan club - Hi, Maggie...), Yes, Genesis, The Dixie Dregs, Planet X, Transatlantic, Spock's Beard and anything else of a similar ilk. I wrote a potted history of It Bites for the website mentioned above. Read it here if you're interested, or check out the site for more info.

      Jazz-funk-wise, we have Level 42 (again, a good fan club), Incognito, Spyro Gyra, The Brand New Heavies, and jazz-rock fusion bands like Vital Information, Chick Corea's bands and even Sting. Check out ex-Level 42 bass-man Mark King's solo stuff; the man's a genius. Read my review of his Jazz Cafe gig of November 1999.

      Favourite drummers are legion, but the list will always include:

      Mike Portnoy (Dream Theater)
      Neil Peart (Rush)
      Phil Collins (Genesis, solo artist)
      Phil Gould (Level 42)
      Dennis Chambers (Parliament, John Schofield)
      Stewart Copeland (Police)
      Rod Morgenstein (Dixie Dregs, Winger, Rudess/Morgenstein Project)
      Gilson Lavis (Squeeze, Jools Holland Rhythm & Blues Orchestra)
      Virgil Donati (Planet X)
      Gavin Harrison (Porcupine Tree)

      Best gigs ever attended:

      Genesis - Wembley Stadium, London; July 1987
      Level 42 - Wembley Arena, London; January 1989
      It Bites - Town & Country Club, London; June 1989
      Dan Reed Network - Astoria Theatre, London; January 1990
      Yamaha Roadshow, featuring Dave Weckl, John Patitucci & Carlos Rios -Astoria Theatre, London; March 1991
      Yes - Wembley Arena, London; June 1991
      Flaw - The Rock Gardens, Covent Garden, London; December 1997 (with me on drums
      - I was brilliant!)
      Dream Theater - The Forum, London; June 1998
      Mark King - Jazz Cafe, Camden, London; November 1999

      Favourite albums: (or at least, some of them...)

      Flower Kings: Retropolis, Unflod The Future, Space Revolver
      Level 42: The Pursuit of Accidents, True Colours, A Physical Presence
      Rush: Permanent Waves, Moving Pictures
      Dream Theater: Images and Words, Falling Into Infinity, Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence
      Spock's Beard: Don't Try This At Home, V
      The Flower Kings: Adam and Eve
      Transatlantic: Bridge Across Forever
      Yes: Close To The Edge, Keys To Ascension
      It Bites: Once Around The World, Eat Me In St Louis
      Incognito: Tribes, Vibes & Scribes
      Toto: IV, Tambu
      Genesis: Duke, A Trick Of The Tail, Seconds Out
      Van Halen: 1984, F.U.C.K.
      Marillion: Season's End, Holidays In Eden
      Dixie Dregs: Bring 'em Back Alive
      Steely Dan: Live In America
      Flaw: 1998 Demo (that great drummer again...)
      Mark King: Trash, Live at the Jazz Cafe
      Planet X: Live In Oz
      Keane: Hopes & Fears
      Metallica: Black Album
      Porcupine Tree: Deadwing
      The Feeling: Twelve Stops And Home